i wrote my last post when i was a little bit sad (just a bit? maybe a tad more than a bit?)
i don’t always feel that way. i’m pleasantly optimistic on some (like today).
but it got me wondering-
i know God is good.
i know God can do any sort of miracle He likes.
i know God is Sovereign and in control.
i know all of this, and i know that God could heal me so easily, if it was His will.
the hard part for me to swallow is He might not.
and i do my best to try and convince myself that it’s okay.
i know that it would be this big, incredible miracle for God to heal my sight. that He could make it as big and miraculous and attention-getting as He wanted to. or He could make it small and mundane, and it would just be and no one would really know the difference except for me.
but maybe that’s not the point? maybe the bigger miracle – the real miracle – in all of this wouldn’t be for me to see with my eyes but for me to let it go. for me to surrender it all, including my bitterness and anger and fear and frustration and all those words a Christian girl like me shouldn’t be saying, let alone thinking.
if you’ve ever tried to change something about yourself, like get rid of a bad habit, you’ll know exactly what i mean when i say it’s hard. which led me to thinking that maybe the real miracle here wouldn’t be if God healed my eyes, but if He healed my heart and brought me to a place of gratitude and joy because some days it seems more likely that i’d go blind and God would heal me and Tim Tebow would hear about my miraculous recovery and we’d get married than it would for me to just be okay with it.
maybe that’s all it is – a small miracle to most, but one that would make the biggest difference to my life.
but i’ll still take Tim Tebow either way.