This week has been hard.
It has left me wondering who & where to turn to. Scrambling for some sort of life preserver to hold me up just a little bit longer.
And while I’m still struggling, and I’m sure I will be for a while longer… my eyes have been opened to something beautiful in all of this.
I am so thankful for a best friend who listens, who hears me out, who knows my secrets, and gets my fears.
And I am so thankful for a cousin I call friend, who is grounded in the Word and willing to phone me at 1 a.m. to pray with me, or at least just send me a verse from Scripture.
I told him I needed prayer; I told him this was my weak area and I needed help.
He sent me this:
Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)
This verse is from the passage where Paul is talking about the thorn in his flesh. Do you know what verse 8 says?
Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away.
I’ve asked God that 3 times this week.
Oh Lord, you know how weak I am. I am tired and I am worn out and I am on my knees in tears; I am BEGGING you, please do not make me deal with this. This is the last thing in the WORLD I want to go through, and I just don’t know what to do.
God, I don’t want to feel this way. I can’t handle this. Would You take this away from me?
Exactly three times. I’ve been an emotional wreck, and I am literally feeling sick over it. And then I read 2 Corinthians 12.
I read how Paul begged the same of the Lord (and oh, how my desperation and weakness feels so trivial now). I do more than just sympathize, I empathize with Paul and suddenly the Word is real. It is incarnate within my life, within my heart.
I understand this struggle. I’m living it. I’m about an inch away from walking away from that community I praised last week. I’m one breath away from yelling out, HOLD UP GUYS. I was totally wrong about this one. This is NOT where I’m supposed to be clearly, because this is suddenly HARD.
All of this at the very moment I am excited and I am passionate and I am growing. Convenient, no? That I would be distracted at such a time as this.
And then I read how God is glorified in this. That God takes glory in my weakness, that He is the power in my life. My God doesn’t rescue me so that I am comfortable, but He is with me while I grow. Won’t that be amazing when I have come through this battle?
Guess what? It gets better.
Because two weeks ago I had a different struggle. I couldn’t imagine ever moving on. I thought I was stuck for life, and I prayed for healing in my life. God heard that, I see that now, and the irony is that my struggle now is the answer to my previous prayer taking flight. Funny how that works isn’t it?
How amazing, how glorious that God is the One who shines in my weaknesses.
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I’ll worship Your holy name